You run across something you know would make them laugh. A meme they’d get instantly, a poorly worded public sign, a song you absolutely wrecked together. Before you even realize it, you’ve already opened your text to share it with them, the same way you always have.
The urge to send it is so automatic.
But as you stare at the screen with your thumb hovering over the send button, you can’t help but remember the last few messages you sent: the photo that got only a thumbs up, the video they never responded to at all, the story they replied to two days later with barely a line. That’s happening a lot lately.
A year ago, you wouldn’t have even thought about it. You’d have just typed your message and hit send. Done. But now you second guess everything; what to say, how to say it, if you should even send it at all.
More often than not, the hesitation wins and you don’t. So it joins the ever-growing graveyard of moments you almost shared.
The silence doesn’t only affect the present. It reaches backwards too.
You used to have this running joke, the kind that never needed explaining. You’d both keep it going back and forth until neither of you could keep a straight face.
You can’t remember the last time either of you brought that up.
Once, they were your go-to, with good news, bad news, and anything in between. But lately, they aren’t the first person you think to tell, or even the second. You don’t know exactly when that changed, only that it did.
You didn’t replace them with someone else. You merely stopped expecting them to be there.
If you tried to put it into words, you’d want there to be a reason. A fight, a falling out, something one of you did that the other couldn’t forgive. At least then it would make sense.
There isn’t one. Nothing happened. There was no betrayal, no big blowup, no single day you could point to and say that’s when it all started. Instead, their presence slowly became an absence.
You still get together once in a while and it’s almost like nothing’s changed. You joke, you laugh. It’s familiar.
But the conversation runs out faster than it used to. And there are pauses that never used to be there. You’d still call them a close friend. You’d just think twice before saying it.
There’s no version of this you could explain out loud without it sounding smaller than it actually is. What would you even say? That they took two days to answer your text? It’s more something you feel than something you can explain.
And maybe they’ve had the same hesitation. Their own moments they almost shared, but didn’t. Maybe they know it and can’t define it either.
The distance didn’t happen all at once. It grew slowly over time. You didn’t set out to hurt each other or drift apart this way. And neither of you really has anything to apologize for.
No one ever officially ended the relationship. After enough time it simply phased out.
Life keeps moving. The moments where something reminds you of them start happening less often. You still think of them, but your friendship has become more history than present.
Some time later, something makes you think of them again. You reach for your phone out of habit. But you don’t get as far as opening the text this time. You simply think about them for a second, set the phone back down, and go back to whatever you were doing before.